How much self-control do you have?

At 3:30 I make up my mind; I’m gonna go out and run. It’s a nice Sunday afternoon and I’ve got nothing to do. Just one more video, then I’ll get dressed. On second thought, I can probably go at 4:00.

Time is 5:05, at this point 5:30 would be better. One episode won’t hurt… Right? Right?? 

Yeah, I didn’t run. I think I’ve always been this way; forcing myself to do the simplest of tasks can be the most complicated mental gymnastics I’ve ever twisted myself into. Too often I find myself constantly pushing things back, desperately clinging to my last minutes of freedom before I drag myself to whatever hell awaits me. As high schoolers we all know the feeling of rushing an essay in the wee hours of the night or cramming the bulk of a project into the last few days; some bad decisions and a great many unproductive hours later, that frenzy swallows my existence for a whole week. A bit unfortunately, my lack of self control doesn’t stop there.

Remember those food pyramid charts from first grade where they’d sort the groups by how much you should eat? You’d have the grains at the very bottom, of course your fruits and veggies a tier above, meat and dairy somewhere up the echelon. And then, at the very top, the forbidden triangle of an early death: fats and sweets. As a kid, this stuff scared me. How could candy taste so yummy if it was rat poison in disguise? And what was that about yucky broccoli being superfood? As cruel and convoluted as it was, little me went along with the wishes of my parents and dentist. But things started to change in middle school. The looming threat of obesity and cavities lost its hold on me as my mind grew callous and my tastebuds craved solidified death. I remember so many times coming home from school excited, knowing a giant bag of popcorn was waiting for me in the cupboard. On that topic, I was an absolute fiend at eating popcorn. If I could live off popcorn for the rest of my life, it’d be a very short yet very fulfilling few months. Of course, my penchant for snacking didn’t stop there. Chips, cookies, chocolate, all gone in a matter of minutes. Combined with my utter lack of exercise, it’s probably fair to say I wasn’t Olympian material. And I liked it! Food was good, life was good. But at the same time, I knew it couldn’t stay. I couldn’t be a kid eating 3 bags of chips a day forever.

I think self-control is about recognizing my faults. That part isn’t too hard. Then, thinking about where I want to be, fighting off my cravings for my greater well-being. Not as easy. I want to be healthy, but snacks. Snacks. Honestly, this just makes me think there are things worth making life harder for. Whenever I used to try and put my urges on hold, I’d always end up convincing myself that it’s not actually that bad. In the moment, it’s hard to stay responsible and have some restraint; you can always say “just one more.” More recently though, I’ve had some success keeping my calories in check. I don’t think I can ever go cold turkey and cut snacks out of my life, nor would I ever want to (wow I really sound like an addict). But bringing it down to a more manageable serving size hasn’t been as hard as I thought it’d be. In the end, the most important thing was just finding a balance I could be happy with. I think it isn’t too bad to enjoy yourself once in a while. Just keep in mind that opening the bag is so much simpler than closing it.